Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
