Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!