no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
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I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
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I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"