Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
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You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
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The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.