im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me