why didn't you poke me back
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
try lime green
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.