I just saw a hot homeless man
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"