i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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