and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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