Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
