Only a mothe r could love this liver
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
