i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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