I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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