he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
