Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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