Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
