You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
