my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
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We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
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My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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