i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
it was like eating out sand paper
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
its liver damage thursday
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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