I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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