he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
