Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
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