didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
