my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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