i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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