He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
