No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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