dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I can't turn off my feet"
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize