We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
