A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
