This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
