Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
