Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Another day, another engagement, another cat
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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