Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I think your dad took our porno
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
