i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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