Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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