margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
