I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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