I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
