i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
she smelled like a LAN party
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
