Who did Billy Mays play for?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
