We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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