I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
