Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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