i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
No more Irish car bombs ever.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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