Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
