I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
