Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
