btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
