she woke up with a sticky ear
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
