i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Princesses don't give blow jobs
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
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You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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