Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
