i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
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I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
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Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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