you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
My liver is preforming stress tests.