i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution