If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.