The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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