omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
