so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize