erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
