Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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