Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
