Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
