Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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