love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
