he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
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Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
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He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody