You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush