That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for