Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
