Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
