I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Randomize
